The Sweet Spot: A Caveat
It occurred to me not long after posting about “The Sweet Spot” of middle parenthood, that a caveat was in order. Not to dispirit parents of babies & toddlers who took great relief in the news that yes, there is a light at the end of the baby music class play tunnel, buuuut there’s some stuff about having older kids you should probably know. The physically exhausting part of parenting is over. True story! No more wrestling crying babies into snowsuits or saving errant toddlers from near-death dashes into traffic or wiping anyone else’s behind. Huzzah, indeed.
However, let me be the first to congratulate you on your promotion from wiper to personal assistant! Your new job includes, but is not limited to, sports practice shuttling, homework management & competing in the summer camp enrollment hunger games. Don’t forget to have theme-appropriate costumes ready for each day of spirit week, which, in case you missed the 47 school emails we clogged your inbox with today, starts TOMORROW. You have SignUpGenius on your phone, right?
To all of this, I say: FIGHT THE POWER. Despite what your children might occasionally shout in anger, you are, in fact, the boss. What kind of middle parenthood you have is, to some degree, dependent upon the boundaries you establish. Make your kids select only one sport per season! Mute notifications on GroupMe! Carpooling is SURVIVAL. Find the word “No” in your vocabulary & use it, often. Establish a place in your home where it is widely-acknowledged that you are not to be disturbed. (I recommend the laundry room.)
Does this sound way harsh? Sure, and it’s not a perfect system. Homework has to get done. Some kids (ahem, Brooks) love playing every single freaking sport. Schools dearly need parent volunteers & I am grateful to the people who find joy in this very real work.
But this is your life, too, and I wonder what we teach our children when we sacrifice ourselves on the altar of their happiness? I want my kids to feel loved & nurtured, but I also want them to see me devoting energy to my own dreams & relationships. And isn’t modeling that vastly more important to our children’s futures than being first in the carpool line? ✌🏻